


Heather

by fishyE



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Female Character, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, One-Sided Attraction, Reader/Original Female Character - Freeform, Songfic, bisexual reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26981482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishyE/pseuds/fishyE
Summary: You were great friends with Killua, but Killua saw you in a different light. You didn't know how bringing someone new into your life affected him so badly.
Relationships: Killua Zoldyck/Reader
Kudos: 40





	Heather

**Author's Note:**

> my first NOT abandoned fic.  
> Songfic  
> Heather by Conan Gray  
> (Reader is Bi)  
> (This is an old fic I made in December 2019)

_I still remember, third of December_

You had given your cozy sweater to Killua one chilly day in December. He had said he was fine, he didn't need it. But you had insisted, and remarked that it looked better on him that it did on you.

_Me in your sweater, you said it looked better on me, than it did you_

But you didn't know that the flattery that you gave him made him feel happier than it should've. You didn't know that when you wrapped it around his shoulders he had stopped breathing, shocked. You didn't know that when you adjusted it to his frame, he blushed at your close proximity.

_Only if you knew how much I liked you_

You didn't know.

It made his heart jump when you smiled at him as you took a seat across from him.

_But I watch your eyes_

When you suddenly looked away, he followed your gaze to a very pretty girl walking to you.

As she walks by, what a sight for, sore eyes

She was so lovely. She seemed so bubbly and pleasant. Many stared at her as she made her way towards you.

_Brighter than a blue sky_

She had a shining smile, not as dazzling as yours, Killua had thought. But when he looked back at you, his train of thought was interrupted as he saw your eyes softening. You were happy, to see her.

_She's got you, mesmerized_

You were enthralled by her. Killua's entire world started crashing around him. He felt his mouth go sour. He didn't want this to happen.

_While I die_

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

You had went to talk with her for a while before you sat down at the lunch table, where Killua was sitting, confused.

Maybe he had fantasized about your lips on his before, daydreaming about something like that got him into a blushing mess. But now he couldn't even imagine it as he realized that you and that girl, knew each other somehow. It was on his mind. He had a hunch that you could be together romantically, but he denied it, and pushed the possibility away because he could not bare the heartbreak.

Why would you ever even kiss him anyway?

He sat alone in his dorm room. Reminiscing the way you looked at her. He felt his heart ache. I'm not even half as pretty You would never kiss him, he wasn't her. He wasn't like her, not as pretty. The next day he had given your sweater back, thanking you sheepishly. You had giggled, the sound echoing in his mind.

He sat across from you at the lunch table, and he felt his stomach twisting suddenly.

There she was again, radiant as ever, but this time making her way towards the table. But you didn't get up to talk to her somewhere else, you just let her come to the table and sit down. She sat down next to you, cheerfully.

_You gave her your sweater_

Killua's deep blue eyes widened as you placed the same sweater around her, because she was wearing a short-sleeved dress. You told her that it was still cold outside, and that she was crazy.

He remembers her voice, "Sorry, I left my sweater in class." She smiled at you. Her voice sounded so innocent. She giggled.

"You're so caring, I love you so much."

And you had responded with the same damn thing.

If he felt bad the day before, now he felt horrible, miserable.

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

The sweater was just a piece of fabric, but Killua now found that it had a profound meaning to him. It had meant that you liked him, you were caring towards him only. But now you had given it to her, who you called Heather.

He watched as you were affectionate with her. Affection was something Killua longed for. Seeing you giving it to someone else that was not him broke him.

_Wish I were Heather_

"Oh! Killua, this is Heather. I wanted you to meet her. She's my girlfriend." You grinned

"Hi!" Heather greeted shyly

"Hey, I'm Killua." Killua forced himself to speak

"Nice to meet you, I'm Heather." She replied She smiled at him, and he returned the gesure, albeit forcefully.

You all chatted for a while. You noticed Killua responded with short simple answers. But you put no mind to it.

_Watch as she stands with her holding your hand_

Abruptly, Heather stood up, still holding your hand.

"I'll be right back [Name]."

She left and came back a while after. When she sat back down, you put your arm around her shoulder and talked with her.

_Put your arm 'round her shoulder now I'm getting colder_

Killua felt cold. Maybe because he didn't have your sweater, or your attention. He felt lonely. He gritted his teeth, and swallowed thickly.

He was suprised himself he didn't start crying right then and there. He felt empty. As if he didn't know what to feel. He was still processing all this information.

While he made a few comments here and there in the conversation to mask his sadness, he was mostly quiet. He was supposed to be angry, but you loved her. And she was so kind.

_But how could I hate her? She's such an angel_

She wasn't needed here though, he thought. His mouth went from sour to bitter.

_But then again, kinda wish she she were dead_

_As she walks by_

_What a sight for sore eyes_

_Brighter than a blue sky_

_She's got you mesmerized_

_While I die_

Killua found himself holding in his breath from time to time, trying to supress his tears. Realization had finally struck him that there was no way that he would have you to himself ever again. It was selfish, he thought. But all he has ever wanted was love from you. When you three had parted ways, he returned to the hallway in which his following class was located. Not seeing you and Heather together the whole class slightly soothed his aching heart. But now he had a sad, distant look in his eyes. He was so vulnerable now. If you or Heather were to walk into that class then he would surely break down. He was beginning to crack.

While you were with Heather for a few weeks before you introduced her to Killua, your relationship felt strong enough as if you had been together longer. At least that's what you felt. But you were just ignoring the fact that you had mixed feelings for Killua. You had started to catch feelings but when Heather came along, your attention had gone elsewhere. She was beautiful as she was kind. But you had ignored all the red flags.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

Why would she ever kiss me? You asked yourself.

She had been lying all along. Why would she even act as if she loved you, when she really didn't? You had learned from a classmate that she was hooking up with other people.

_I'm not even half as pretty_

Even if its wasn't your fault that she had been cheating on you, you felt like it was. Were you not good enough? Is it because you were not up to par with her? Not pretty like her? You were hurting. But once you began asking yourself all of this you stopped at a question that you had taken a while to answer; How did Killua feel about this?

You submitted back into your ignored feelings towards Killua. You just wanted comfort. Affection. You realized that Killua must've felt the same towards you but you were so blind that you hadn't seen his clear heartache. You began to shed tears, not because of Heather, but because of Killua. Heather didn't deserve your tears. The most ugliest ones hide behind a mask. You cried because you now felt what Killua felt.

Was he so miserable this whole time?

How could you just hurt him like that?

Now you were seeking what he was looking for, love.

_You gave her your sweater_

You reminded yourself. Killua must've felt left out, something worthless.

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

Maybe that sweater meant more than you thought it did. It was your trust and love.

Did that mean you chose Heather over Killua?

_I wish I were Heather_

Heather could get away with this because she was Heather. Nobody called her out, because she could get away with anything. Everyone wishes that sometimes they could be Heather, untouchable.

By now Killua let his tears flow down freely. The pain was too much to handle. Killua heard a loud voice talking through a wall. He wiped his tears, and sniffed. He walked towards the wall where he heard the voice coming out from.

"I know, it's just horrible." a feminine voice said

Killua pressed his ear onto the wall. He didn't know why he wanted to listen in, he just felt as if he had to.

"[Name] hasn't spoken to me since I told her, I shouldn't have said anything.." she sighed

At the sound of your name, Killua listened even more intently.

"That bitch, she doesn't deserve [Name]. She cheated on her, and for what? To make her upset?"

Killua was shocked. What? Heather had done what? His back slid down against the wall. He didn't want to hear anymore of the conversation. Had you been alone this whole time, in pain?

His eyebrows knitted together in anger. He began to cry again. He was pushing you away because he was selfish. He should've never trusted Heather. He was mad at himself, he let you be fooled by her. When he should've been looking out for you he was sulking. Had it been his fault?

_Wish I were Heather_

_(Oh, oh) Wish I were Heather_

You wept, as you stood up from your dorm room floor. Heather wasn't Killua. Killua wasn't Heather, you needed to make things right. You didn't know what to do anymore. A throbbing headache made you feel worse. You weren't in the right mind.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

Killua felt hopeless as he hugged his knees and buried his face into them.

_I'm not even half as pretty_

You walked through the corridor, not sure of what you were doing, or it it was right.

_You gave her your sweater_

You were desperate now, you took Killua for granted. But after all that happened, you went back to him.

_It's just polyester_

You just wanted him. You needed him more than ever. You frantically opened the dorm room of the person you needed to see, feel. The door was unlocked as if you were meant to go there.

_But you like her better_

When Killua heard the sound of the door creaking open, he raised his head. Through the blur in his eyes he could make out your face, something he could never miss. But your face was tear-stained. He stood up in shock.

Maybe this was what you had wanted all along, and this was what he wanted too. Maybe you were crazy, and he wouldn't thought so too. But you couldn't care less. You threw all rational thought out your mind.

You grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him towards you. Killua was everything she wasn't. Killua was better than her. It was your fault you hadn't noticed that he was the only person that would be with you, forever.

You pulled him to you, and kissed him. It was desperate, loving, and affectionate. It was beautiful. Something better than her.

Because you liked him better.

And you were satisfied with this. Something that she could only wish for.

_Wish I were-_

Killua felt himself melt into the kiss, something he didn't know he needed. Killua didn't wish to be her, because he was loved by [Name] as Killua, not as Heather.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it's at least okay


End file.
